Holister Mercantile

You want to be with her right now. Janie. But you can’t because Charlene is here.

Fucking Charlene. Fuck me. Shit. Stop it.

Jack should sleep tonight. Fuck, I hope he sleeps through the night. Bad night. Has to be the left leg. Favoring that one again. God forgive me for the extra dose, but he took it so late because you’re here. He wanted to be awake. Company. When do we ever have company since we’ve been here? When does he ever look at anyone besides us? But the leg. Favoring the leg. Maybe he didn’t see that I could tell. Hope he’s sleeping.

Shit. Fucking stop it.

If I could just smell her. If I went to bed now it might wake him. Hell, it would probably wake him. God the look on his face when I fell asleep on the couch. But I didn’t see it. I didn’t see it, Jack. Come on, let’s see what we have for breakfast.

Please.

The skin between her breasts. The little line there, just a fine crease. How long has that been there? Beautiful. She laughs low in her chest and it rumbles through her ribs. Too many cigarettes.

I’m going to jump. From the bar top. She’s laughing in the background, which is so good, so enough. Catch me, Jack. Carry me up the stairs. Fucking laughing. She knew how much I wanted you.

Stop.

Did I really let myself get this drunk? Am I even drunk anymore?

Remember that little while when everything just kept lining up? Planets, chakras. Remember when the pain was just background noise, and it was only sometimes that you had to smile though it? Remember when pain pills were for fun?

Fuck I would love a pill.

Can not take Jack’s pills. Where the fuck do you get a pill around here? Might help to make an acquaintance or two. Time. In time.

I miss home. That fucking huge bathtub. Did we really install that shit? Did we really make a haven in that monstrosity? All that beer we drank. Everything was so funny, just leaning back against the wall and watching you try to read how to do it from a library book. A library book. We fucking did that. I remember because I grilled you a steak for that shit.

Sleep through the night and it’s steak and eggs for breakfast, Jack. The girls will bitch to high heaven, but yes.

If I could just smell her. If she was just here, sitting at the table with me, I think my hands would stop shaking.

Quit it, Mona.